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special day

Today was a special day. I realized I have lived exactly the same amount of days as my oldest brother when he died. I am slightly superstitious so I am relieved to have made it through alive (though both of my other brothers passed this mile stone with no issues that I am aware of.

All day I kept thinking, "so this is how many days he had." Granted we have both lived very different lives so although the number of days is similar there really is no comparison. It is similarly weird to think about the fact that when my parents were my age they had four children.

Nonetheless, it doesn't feel like enough time for me. My brother was very peaceful when he died but he had also been dealing with (colon) cancer for three years. Perhaps during that time he finally decided that this was enough days (especially since he didn't have much of a choice). Every day tons of people's lives are cut short. Is it ever really enough days? Even my grandmother at age 95 would have gladly taken a few more if the pain weren't so bad.

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