October 31, 2012

Letting Go Again

I lost an election last night.

I was fortunate enough to be instilled with values of cooperation and community investment as a youth. So when I moved to Minnesota sixteen years ago and discovered the co-ops here I knew I belonged. My working membership quickly turned into a job that sustained me through out my college years and beyond while I struggled to figure out what I want to do with my life. When I left that job to pursue my dream job (which I am still fortunate to have and love) I knew I wasn't ready to let go of my co-op. So I ran for the board of directors and won. Twice. But a third time is not to be.

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October 22, 2012

I want to see you dance again

I was at a wedding celebration tonight, saying my good byes, about to head back to the City, when the band starting playing Harvest Moon. I hope this song always stops me in my tracks and brings tears to my eyes. From the first lyrics:
"Come a little bit closer, hear what I have to say"

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March 22, 2012

Fresh Food

I attended an event tonight about the local food economy. The room was packed - standing room only and I recognized many people from all walks of life (the co-ops, dancing, friends, work, etc). The goal the event was to bring together community and leaders from many different sectors of the the local food economy.

After welcomes and introductions, the evening started out with LaDonna Redmond from IATP. An inspirational speaker, she painted a very important big picture around what exactly food justice is, why it is critical and pointing out that we have never had a fair, equitable, just food system in this country - ever.

That last statement stopped in my head and keeps echoing around in there. Ever! ever... ever... We have never had a fair, equitable, just food system in this country... ever.

Redmond pointed out that when we go back 20 years and you find the beginning of GMOs, go back 60 years and we were getting into pesticides and petro-chemicals after WWII, go back even farther and you start run into slave labor or share cropping which was still exploiting people and land - both of which we continue to do today to get our food to us. As a member of the co-operative food movement for the past 35 year (if I count all the equity my parents made me put into it when I was young) it really made me pause and reevaluate how we talk about the food movement and just how radical we are in our goals.

Later speakers all tied the picture of the growing food movement together, outlining its aches and pains in the cities. I learned that in Minneapolis it is still illegal (and has been since the 1960s) to grow food in the city to sell. Urban farmers talked about how difficult it is to find a place where they can process food they've grown into shelf stable (or at least more shelf-stable than fresh vegetables) products that add value. As painful as it was to hear of all the lacks and struggles that occur on a regular basis, all in all the night was incredible uplifting and inspirational. I left thinking this is truly a time of growth and expansion for enterprises that promote community well-being and general common-wealth.

September 24, 2011

Icarus

Recently discovering Kate Tempest has re-inspired my love of words. I'm a lazy reader and a lazy writer but hearing the flow and seeing the show of spoken word ignites my mind and my heart creating a fire inside. My imagination runs wild and the words can't keep up the phrases loop and turn and make connections my stomach churns but maybe that's just the milk I drank or dinner digesting.

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September 21, 2011

time passing

As we grow older surely time really does go by quicker! Over a season has passed since I have both had anything worth writing and the time to write it.

Lots of thoughts flitter through my head but none have matured yet enough to make it on the web site.

I haven't officially abandoned this site (yet) though. I'm just still thinking of its purpose, definition, and asking myself 'what is really worth sharing with the world?'

April 17, 2011

Five Skandhas

Lately I've been tripping over, dripping with, and sipping on the the five skandhas (commonly interpreted as "aggregates"). This is the way Buddha described both how we come to define our existence as an individual, despite lack concrete evidence, and how we perpetuate this fallacy. After some contemplation and reading I feel I understand the first three somewhat.

Number one is form - just what is, whether smells, sounds, sights, or other types of forms. What trips me up about this is that although forms are there, number one isn't our interaction with them, our interpretation, perception, reaction, or anything - that all comes later. It really begs the questions of a tree falling in the forest with no one around. However, instead of grappling with the question any longer, I'd rather move on to number two: Sensation

Sensation is so easily paired with number one that I really wonder why they are separate - but perhaps that is the narcissist in me. I have a hard time believing anything exists that I don't know about. What I love about this aggregate is its simplicity. It is simply the fact of sensing the form. So you have the form, whether it is sound, sight, solid, or all three and then you have the hearing, touching, seeing - and that is all. This one doesn't include how we feel about it - that comes later with "perception".

Number three - perception is also fairly straight forward. This is not the thought but the gut reaction of towards, away, or neutral. After all, with every sensation we respond in one of those three ways - whether or not we are conscious of it (consciousness comes later). What I love about these first three is how well they are connected and how easy it is to imagine one leading to the next. I imagine a baby, first just being, then noticing sensations, and almost immediately going towards some (like warmth), away from others (such as hunger), and leaving quite a few neutral (maybe the sight of auntie's face).

It is numbers four and five that have me stumbling, not comprehending - commonly called "mental concepts/volition" and "consciousness". These have to do with pure awareness and a type of action that is more complicated than perception but not necessarily conscious. It is with mental volition that we create karma but I still don't understand how and the subtleties of this aggregate. Nor do I understand how consciousness fits into the whole puzzle - and how exactly do they fit together? Do they move on a timeline, one after the others in the way they are listed or can they flip and skip? Can we have consciousness without sensation or form without perception? If so, how? If not, why separate them in this way?

I've heard that understanding the skandhas is key to understanding impermanence, interdependent existence, and dukkha. I grew up aware of the aggregates yet with no intimate knowledge of them. Somehow, I felt I understood interdependence and impermanence - yet can I really understand these two concepts without understanding the basis of how Buddha described the arising of our sense of self?

March 16, 2011

desire

I stopped consuming chocolate and caffeine for two months. Originally this was an experiment to see how abstaining from these drugs affected my health. Six weeks in I didn't notice any affect on physical well being but realized how much more intimate I had become with desire. Cravings for this substance arose. I had three choices at this point: 1. To give in to my cravings, 2. To become frustrated because I wasn't giving in to my cravings, or 3. Just to be aware of this craving and sit with it. I repeatedly chose number three and became much more comfortable with this choice the more I exercised it. While I still did become frustrated too at times, I tried to just be aware of that as well.

It is disconcerting to see how spoiled I am in wanting what I want when I want it. This probably also explains the 10 pounds I've packed on in the past year.