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Spinning and crash landing

Getting back into the country is strange. Actually, returning was surprisingly simple - there were no problems with customs or immigration. However walking into my bedroom and looking at the mass of things I have accumulated over 26 years of life and learned to do with out (and still be happy) for eight months was disconcerting. It is difficult to feel connected to any of these items I once cherished. Many I can still appreciate but there are some things that have got to go (like cheesy books and clothes that either don't fit or have stains).

Yet there is an urge to pick up right where I left off, as if I hadn't been gone at all. This is a most disturbing fear of mine. Not only did I gain memories while traveling but I also gained happiness and a certain comfortableness with the world. I would hate to lose those in the vacant materialistic world that is the suburbs of the U.S. True, India is materialistic, but it isn't vacant. Being here I can see how much easier it is to place things in my life than people. People (especially friendly ones) are few and far between but there are stores and stores full of lonely things just hoping to find happy homes.

Perhaps I need to remember that things also require compromises. While with people I cannot always be right, make them happy, or do whatever I want, with things I have to spend lots of time working to support my accumulation habit - never mind finding the space to put all this stuff.

I am fortunate, keeping this blog has made my life more cohesive, connecting my evolving travel self with the one I left behind. Usually there is a painful collision when my changed self tries to reunite with the character I left behind at home. Though the impact of re-entry is less harsh than last time, like egos, old selves don't die easy and I can feel the shadow of my former self tugging at my sleeve as I try to lighten my life and my load. I only hope the happier self wins.

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