miriamSpace

I can't believe I finally have my blog back! Now I am at a loss wondering what to say.

Ha!

As if that ever stopped me for long.

Things have changed. I've moved. I have my own space and now it is time to shape my own thoughts into words. This won't be the most enlightened inspiring blog but it will be a reflection of my observations and inspirations. There probably won't be much more on travel - I'm pretty settled (and broke) these days.

However, hopefully there will be lots under learning new things and the triple p categories. Additionally I plan on adding a category on weather because I find the stuff fascinating - if you don't you can skip over those entries. And one of these days I aspire to create a political commentary section where I can sound off about what I read in the paper and see in the world.

A girl has gotta express her opinion and where better to do that?

A thousand blessings and thanks to my friend Stephen who helped me get this show back on the road.

Posted by Miriam at 09:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Happy Spring.
It was a beautiful morning here but clouded over by lunch.

We're expecting 2 to 6 inches of wet heavy snow to fall in the next 20 hours.

It's a good thing I got some biking already.

And I have a meeting in the suburbs tomorrow so I won't feel guilty about driving to work.

I need to haul my composting and recycling in anyhow...

Posted by Miriam at 10:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I love winter. I was doing great - staying very active with bicycling, faux hockey, and plenty of dancing. Then IT caught me and dragged me down into the damp dark world of SICK. In theory I am a big fan of getting sick - it slows me down and gives me an excuse to mope around the house all day in my pajamas watching bad movies and indulging in comfort foods. However, sickness that you can't seem to shake is a whole different matter. It's been a week since my fever subsided and I am still running at half mass trying to hack up half my lung as if I'd been smoking for several decades (how do they do it? I hate not being able to breathe). And I have even been taking care of myself! I've drank so much tea it came out my ears, ate plenty of vegetables and have been averaging nine to ten hours of sleep a night. What else can a girl do???

Fighting this bug just makes me tired. So... very... very... tired...

All I want to do is lay in the sun - which isn't very easy to do in the winter - hence the winter blahs. If I could afford it I would fly myself to Mexico right now.

To top it off, this illness came at a really bad time (is there ever a good time) as it has caused me to miss the last few good weeks of winter. I discover that March brings a real threat of depression because the sun is too high and the weather too warm for real winter sports but it isn't quite warm bicycling everywhere and all the fun things that happen when it isn't winter.

Sigh... I guess there isn't much to do besides sleep.

Posted by Miriam at 10:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

It was cold this morning (I think right around zero) but sunny so I couldn't resist bicycling to work. I drove yesterday and felt pains of envy every time I saw a cyclist. So what if it is zero degrees? So what if there is serious wind? I got clothes. I got gear.

Sure enough - I over-bundled and was sweating buckets and undressing before I even got to the office. The temperature rose about 20 degrees (F) during the day. Fortunately the wind picked up so although I had all the same gear on, my ride home was perfect.

Posted by Miriam at 07:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Cheap thrills: Walking home from the hardware store on a snowy day with a shiny new shovel.

Posted by Miriam at 11:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I've been listening to a lot of Ani DiFranco lately. She suits my mood - bittersweet.

Last night I found myself spending ten minutes unwrapping 12 boxes of generic brand American cheese and tossing it in the compost. The cheese was the awful kind that comes in giant 2 pound rectangular blocks. It is crappy cheese - even at it's name brand best which took the word "velvet" and added "ita" at the end. I suppose that is supposed to indicate how smooth the cheese is. To me it is more bland than butter.

But that isn't why I was tossing it in the compost.

I don't think you can actually purchase this cheese anywhere. I believe it is specially made just for food shelves. Unfortunately the local Korean Methodist Church has been giving loads of it to a little old lady who gardens in our yard. She then leaves it at our doorstep, along with canned chicken, sugary peanut butter, dried beans, and other bland food shelf-type foods. One time I tried to tell her that we didn't use the stuff but she looked so sad that I just smiled, said thank you a million times, and ended up taking it anyhow. She doesn't really speak any English.

Ironically enough I turn around and bring the stuff back to the food shelf (fortunately a different one) but I can't give anyone giant blocks of cheese that have been sitting out for unknown amounts of time. I don't think the Korean lady realizes that some of the stuff she passes on needs to be refrigerated. We didn't realize it either one bag full of groceries started to odorize the kitchen pretty bad (sometimes it is quite awhile before I bring the stuff to the food shelf).

So there I was last night unwrapping 24 pounds of cheese and putting it in the compost, thinking what a weird world we live in where all this awful cheese is made in the first place and then not even eaten. But I was thankful it wouldn't dampen the incinerators and instead would be composted (at a facility that gets hot enough to break it down - I would not recommend putting that stuff in your back yard bin. Hopefully I am the only person in the world with this issue though). The waste breaks my heart but then I rejoiced that at least the few nutrients this stuff has will have a chance to grow something more wanted in the future.

Bittersweet.

Posted by Miriam at 10:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The solstice has come and gone. There is now more night than day.

I've had my summer cold, long sunsets with slowly receding lights, bicycle rides at ungodly hours, days and days of activity, my second work conference (ever), lots of dancing, a bit of partying, tons of events, the state fair, but all together way too much busy busy fun.

I think I am ready for autumn and the sort of fun that comes with longer evenings, chilly times, baking, crisp blue skies, and falling leave.s - what I might call "slow fun".

Posted by Miriam at 10:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I've been taken down but a puny little virus. After three days the common cold has me begging for mercy. I am missing the final frantic days of Summer! I am missing the State Fair. My body aches to go out dancing and biking and instead I am forced into days and days of feverish snotty contemplation.

The cold has taken away my sense of smell making all food taste like a memory or simply provide texture to my palate. On the second day of this dreariness I remembered how my grandmother never liked trying new food and suddenly realized why - she couldn't taste them! She loved eating her old favorites because of the memories but these new fangled dishes were always just ho-hum. This also explains why when we switched her dairy ice cream for soy she never knew the difference.

I can't wait till my nose comes back into action. I cleaned the entire house in anticipation.

Posted by Miriam at 02:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

You steal pieces
of my heart.
Making it just a little
bit
lighter.

Posted by Miriam at 06:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Life has been getting away from me again. Originally what I really wanted was the same as when I took my bodhisattva vows three years ago: I want to help people. However, lately I feel like this is too ambitious of a goal. I think first I'll try not to harm people. In conjunction with this, my other passion is learning. I love learning about the world, about people, about biology, about how everything fits together and operates. I try to justify this love by focusing my learning on things can only increase my ability to help people.

However, when I just try to do no harm it becomes a bit stickier wicket. The fact is we all know people who have "helped" and made things worse. This is my greatest fear. Sometimes I feel like I really can't intentionally help anyone - not because I am a failure but rather because I cannot create the conditions in which my actions might be helpful. That is up to the universe and any one who would like some help.

Posted by Miriam at 10:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

So last night I created a list.

First I acknowledged some of the incredible things I accomplished in my twenties. Then I made a random list of what I would like to do now. It was just off the top off my head and went from very mundane (such as ride my bike and improve my computer tech skills, to super ambitious (lots of career goals and writing projects), to downright-lofty and dreamy (such as visiting all of my friends around the world).

Then I thought about the list for a day - what I forgot to add and what should and shouldn't be on it. So far I haven't added anything (though I am tempted to add "start an Ultimate Frisbee team") instead I tried to group and un-group and re-group the entire list.

I kept wondering what was the heart of it? What does this all have in common?

What do I really want to do?

Continue reading "foci" »

Posted by Miriam at 11:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Tonight I kiss my 20's goodbye. It is the last time I get to be "29" - starting in a few hours I'll be "30" and counting.

I have very little regret as this decade comes to a close. Mostly I look back with pride at all I have discovered and accomplished. I have discovered lots of talent, honed a few skills, made a few good friends and met a zillion good people. I feel fortunate to have led such a blessed life. The older I get the more aware I become of my good fortune and wonder what I am going to do about it.

My 20's were all about self discovery, other discovery, world exploration, and that jazz. I hope the exploring never ends but as I realize I can't be everywhere and do everything at once I want to be more focused in where I put my energy.

Over the years my experiences, energy, and karma has yielded me a plethora of resources. What am I going to do with that now? What are my goals and ambitions for my 30's? I feel whatever they are I have a good chance of succeeding (or coming up with a very good excuse for not succeeding) which makes me want to be especially conscious about what I do next.

So what will it be?

Posted by Miriam at 08:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Raspberry season makes me very happy. There is something extra special about yummy fresh, ripe, local, organic fruit.

Posted by Miriam at 01:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Summer has finally seeped through me, imbued me with energy and even gotten me hurt (just a minor pulled muscle). Lately I have felt like a balloon full of hot hair rising higher and higher, continually needing to be popped. I think I am ready to come down now. I kind of miss the solid feeling of earth beneath my feet.

Posted by Miriam at 10:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Today was a special day. I realized I have lived exactly the same amount of days as my oldest brother when he died. I am slightly superstitious so I am relieved to have made it through alive (though both of my other brothers passed this mile stone with no issues that I am aware of.

All day I kept thinking, "so this is how many days he had." Granted we have both lived very different lives so although the number of days is similar there really is no comparison. It is similarly weird to think about the fact that when my parents were my age they had four children.

Nonetheless, it doesn't feel like enough time for me. My brother was very peaceful when he died but he had also been dealing with (colon) cancer for three years. Perhaps during that time he finally decided that this was enough days (especially since he didn't have much of a choice). Every day tons of people's lives are cut short. Is it ever really enough days? Even my grandmother at age 95 would have gladly taken a few more if the pain weren't so bad.

Posted by Miriam at 10:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I am nauseous with a height of summer hangover. This is ideal at this time of year and only slightly a result of too much alcohol – excess in general is the root cause. Somehow this weekend I combined a two-day national co-op conference with a short road trip, staying in a hotel, connecting with old friends I rarely see, new friends in the making, two parties, a late night of dancing and consistent if not heavy drinking.

If I were my parent I would ground me now – not as the punishment noun or state of being but rather as a much needed verb in the “you are going to get into serious trouble if you don’t slow down” way. Alas I am not my parent and my tired wrung-out body is crying like a whiny child to go outside! There are bicycles to ride! Lakes and rivers to swim and canoe! Music to move to! People to meet and see! The season beckons - the last thing I want to do is stay home, clean my room, and cook some brown rice and vegetables.

Perhaps there is a way to do it all…

Posted by Miriam at 01:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I've moved into summer mode. I know it doesn't officially start for another week and a half but with the temperature in the 90's and several gorgeous days in a row filled with parties, impromptu socializing and out door activities combined with odd sleeping hours makes me feel super in tune with the season.

Not much time for reading these days.

Posted by Miriam at 12:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I celebrated my one year anniversary at work today. In some ways I can't believe I have been there for just a year and in other ways I feel like I am just getting started.

Posted by Miriam at 10:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I've noticed a song that reminds me of my grandmother. I cry whenever I hear it.

When my brother died this happened with Neal Young's "Harvest Moon" - he'd get to the part about how "I want to see you dance again..." and I'd remember the drum circles I attended with my brother and how much he loved to dance - and how much I loved to dance and then I cry at the thought that neither of us would ever see the other one dance again "under the harvest moon". Since my brother was seven years older than me, as a child these drum circles under the full moon were some of the few memories I had of him. I knew he liked Neal Young's song and had requested it play at his funeral. It did and now that song always makes me cry and remember my brother dancing happily.

The song I found for my grandmother is Sinead O'Connor's "Three Babies". As far as I know grandmother was never drawn to music. This may be because by the time I knew her she was hard of hearing. The only time I ever recall her purposely playing the stuff was when PBS had some sort of big band special going on. However, Sinead's song reminds me of gram because it is really beautiful and grandma always loved beauty but mostly because the song is about a fierce mother who will do anything to protect her babes - even though they remind her of the husband she divorced. In the song she comes to terms with the fact that her ex will always be with her through her babies but it doesn't have to drive her mad or prevent her from being herself.

Continue reading "Songs of Sorrow" »

Posted by Miriam at 08:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The leg bone is connected to the thigh bone is connected to the ankle bone...

I've been going to a chiropractor for a year and a half now and getting regular massages for over year. This is the only way I've managed to keep chronic shoulder pain at bay. I also noticed that since I started seeing the chiropractor on a regular basis I almost never get sick. Previous to this addiction it seemed I came down with a virus every six weeks.

In reevaluating my financial situation and also realizing that I don't want to be chained to the doctor's office I've started to be curious about ways I can take care of myself instead of having someone else take care of me. I figure if I can pay someone to get these results, now that my life is pretty steady (love life, job, living situation...) I should be able to take this responsibility on myself.

So I tried a kick-boxing class with a friend and was impressed with the results - my two weak spots are my shoulder and my hip. Kick-boxing works out both of these. After the class though, the true revelation came.

Continue reading "posturing" »

Posted by Miriam at 11:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

My grandmother died last night. She had just turned 95.

When my brother died I felt like I lost a limb. With this grandmother gone I feel a protective shield that I didn't even realized existed has vanished and suddenly I am more naked than ever.

Continue reading "good byes" »

Posted by Miriam at 11:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I love the weather. I even fell in love with a meteorologist once knowing that at least we had that in common.

So this morning I felt so clever when I noticed that the winds although a bit strong (10 mph from the north) were supposed to pickup increasingly throughout the day. My bicycle ride to work is almost directly. Sure enough, by the time I left the office the winds were 18 mph and gusting in the mid-twenties. I was looking forward to riding that wave home.

I did speed home as planned - however, in addition to wind I also caught quite a bit of rain. I think at one point it was even hailing.

My bicycle ride is a quick three miles though, and the wind was at my back. It was a truly enjoyable drenching of water. Of course the rain stopped by the time I got home. I really do love the weather. I can make any ordinary day seem extraordinary.

Posted by Miriam at 10:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

With the blessing of my grandmother I doubled my number of wheels a few months ago by adding a car to burgeoning collection of vehicles (which already include two legs, a bicycle and a scooter). It has taken me awhile to accept the slippery slope into car culture.

Continue reading "car woahs" »

Posted by Miriam at 08:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Growing up on the hippy commune I loved to dance and bounce around to music. I think most kids enjoy this. One song in particular stuck in my head for years and recently I read the lyrics and smiled. I call it the vegetarian kids' anthem.

Continue reading "White Sugar" »

Posted by Miriam at 12:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I went skiing last night - downhill - for the first time ever in my life.

I really didn't think I would enjoy it that much but it was hard to walk away from the slopes. Despite the freezing air, my first lesson was a breeze. It was a lot of work but all worth it for the feeling of floating or flying (depending on how fast you go) down a hill. It's like sledding only with more control.

My muscles are all achy today (but not bruised - I haven't fallen yet) which is even better - because it means something really really fun actually counts as exercise!

Posted by Miriam at 11:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

It's 2 degrees (F, -16 C) out. The high today is 4 and that is as warm as it will get for the next several days. Over the weekend we won't see the positive side of zero. And that is before we factor in the wind chill.

I love it when the weather matches my mood.

Posted by Miriam at 12:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Now that I have finished the reports and realizing how everything ties into everything like a Sudoku puzzle I am on to the next big learning experience. I am so fortunate that my job seems to grow with me!

For the last eight months I have been diving into event recycling, zero waste initatives, and neighborhood cleanups. I've learned the ins, the outs, the details, the big picture stuff and at times it seems like I've hardly come up for air.

However recently all of these pieces came together as I realized that my job isn't about making events, cleanups and waste reduction ideas run smoothly. Instead my job is to create systems that ensure these things happen, whether by my hand or someone else's.

It's all about the systems! I create a system, then I get to try it in the real world, talk about it with my coworkers and other people involved, scrap it or adjust it as necessary and move onto the next trial.

I love this perspective because any time I get lost in the details I zoom out the bigger picture. I am not only taking the journey - I am also mapping the territory so that others can take the journey later. And lord knows, this zero waste stuff sure feels like uncharted territory

Posted by Miriam at 08:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Perhaps it is because I had no caffeine today,
perhaps it is because it is the middle of January,
perhaps it is because it has been a quiet day with plenty of time for reflection
perhaps it is because I realize I won't have much time for reflection in the upcoming week,
perhaps it is because I could
but I doubt it.

For whatever reason I am a little down today. It happens sometimes. I find if I coast with it I'll eventually get bored and move onto other moods.

So it goes.

Posted by Miriam at 09:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I've been sitting my friend's canary for over week now. Apollo has affected my musical habits because he has such clear tastes. Lately all I listen to is Joanna Newsom (a crazy harpist chick) and the Incredible String Band (bizarre British hippy band) because these are clearly his favorites. When I turn the music up he'll happily chirp along. I think it is the wandering style of the music with lovely flute accompaniments and wandering string rhythms that appeal to him. He really doesn't care much for rock and roll or any of those simple beats - though he does chirp in if I whistle him a very simple tune (like one line of a nursery rhyme repeatedly). He also really likes the Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong album.

My guinea pig does not notice music so much though she does appreciate MPR (I know this because she's more likely to wander around exploring with this radio station in the background). I think she finds the dulcet tones comforting. She isn't sure what to make of the canary either but she enjoys the seeds he drops around the cage. Manna from heaven is always a delicious thing.

Posted by Miriam at 10:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I just returned from a delicious visit home - you know - the place they say you can never go back to.

Time stopped. I ate too much, gawked at the stars, took rambling walks through woods, hung out with family and friends, gossiped, tried to solve everyone's problems, listened to music, read, knitted, watched movies, spent way too much time working on a puzzle, and ate just a little bit more.

It was a perfect vacation except for one thing.

Continue reading "Home" »

Posted by Miriam at 05:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

After a beautiful Indian summer, the chill has recently returned. Today's high was a paltry 33 F (close to 0 C). This is prime bicycling weather. The air is fresh, crisp, and smells wonderful. I find that with a few layers and a good wind breaker I can warm up and then just fly across the terrain in a way that I never feel inspired to do when breaking a sweat is guaranteed. The chilled air has a special sparkle and in the gray desolate landscape occasional bits of color take on new depth and meaning.

That said, with the sun going down at five a clock I find my desire to scoot has hit an all time low. Previously I was surprised to realize that thirty-degree temperatures, when adequately dressed, don't hinder my mobility at all (as long as it isn't snowing). However, now between both the cold and the dark it just feels dangerous and numbing. Car drivers are even less likely to see me and with all my layers of clothes (I need much more on a scooter than on a bicycle) I feel klutzy and lack ease of movement. I'll probably still try to pull it out once a month so that I don't need to officially "put it away" for the season, but for the most part I have to agree that scooting is a two/three season transportation option in Minnesota - unlike the bicycle.

Posted by Miriam at 11:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I just bought my ticket home. I haven't been there in a year. I don't know how I made it this long! In some ways I feel more grounded than ever and in a really good place. Yet, I am having a difficult time staying connected with those I love who are far away from me. I first noticed this drift last holiday season when I didn't send out cards for the first time in a decade. I meant to, yet somehow I just didn't have it in me. Now as I approach this holiday season - with so much news (and all of it good) - so many wonderful changes over the past year - I wonder if I'll be able to post cards. I'd like to but I always want to reach out to people, it's actually doing it that is the tough part.

Posted by Miriam at 11:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I won!

I am so excited - I just returned from the general membership meeting at my co-op, where I was running for board - and I won!

Two years ago, when I first returned to Minneapolis I ran for a slightly different board position. I figured that since I had graduated from college - a major mile stone on the road to adulthood (for some - not all) and I wasn't about to get married, have kids, or purchase a house (other optional major milestones) serving on a board would be a great new responsibility to take on. I was looking forward to learning how they operate and sharing that knowledge with my colleagues (who I would be representing). Unfortunately I lost.

Since then I have learned even more about how committees, organizations, boards, and more specifically - the co-op, works; so I am super excited to be able to uncover the mysteries of the board and add icing to all my other bits of knowledge.

Yeah, I know, I am a total geek.

Posted by Miriam at 11:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

My air intake unit fell off today. I got about fifty feet from my house before I looked and saw it hanging by a few tiny hoses. At first I thought it was my exhaust something or my muffler. It wasn't until I was nearly done putting it back together that I remembered the muffler is the big metal thing on the other side of the bike. Silly me.

So it wasn't as serious as I thought - after all the bike could run - it could get air fine even without the air intake unit. My brother helped me put it all back together and go to the automotive store for the missing bolts. Actually there are still a few mysteries about the unit - I'll have to go back to the dealer to see if there is a way to make it more secure. My brother said the air intake does help filter and reuse the air making the scooter more environmentally friendly.

I am not a motorized vehicle person but I am learning. It was fun getting my hands dirty with scooter grease. One of these days I'll even figure out how to change the oil.

Posted by Miriam at 11:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Normally I wouldn't bring up something so personal, but having my best friend get married has raised a bunch of relationship issues in mind. Her and I were talking about it recently and we both noticed a pattern in our relationship habits.

Continue reading "relations" »

Posted by Miriam at 08:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Last night I hardly slept a wink. A cup of tea this morning didn't even put a dent in my exhaustion. I can't recall the last time I was this kind of tired - normally I can sleep through anything. However the usual activity in the neighborhood (traffic, an outdoor cookout, motorcycles, bars closing up for the night) kept waking me up. This combined with a week of never quite catching up on my sleep finally zonked me. It took several doses of caffeine before I even felt my brain function.

Sadly, caffeine has never been a reliable source of energy for me. Although it prevents me from falling a sleep and in the right doses can stimulate creativity and productivity (which do not always go together), the wrong doses gives me weird perspective changes (messing with my sight, balance, and head pressure) and can make me feel (and appear) tired on the outside while continually pacing inside. I much prefer to use this drug optionally.

So I made it through the day surprisingly well - I always wonder how new parents do this on a regular basis. This evening I managed to play an enjoyable game of kickball - even if I did look like a zombie.

The night was gorgeous and our team worked hard and did well. It wasn't until I saw the moon rise over the horizon, gorgeous big and orange, that I realized where my insomnia came from.

When I was a child lunar cycles affected my moods regularly. On full moon nights I would stay up and clean my room - rearranging all my furniture - or I would be deep into a novel reading as if my life depended on it. The sun would rise and I would blink surprised at the night that had disappeared so rapidly.

Now days I am not always so in sync with the cycles of nature. Yet in the last few months, between the Fairs, festivals, parties, kickball, walks, scooting around for work, and excessive bicycling (last week I covered over fifty miles!) I may have spent record time outdoors. I tried hard (and failed) to not get a tan and have managed to keep off at least five of the ten pounds I lost while being sick. During this incredible summer (one of the highpoints was when I drove a 90-year-old Stanley Steamer) perhaps once again I fell under the influence of our natural satellite and the rhythm of the seasons. All I know is that, riding home on a bright clear September night with the cool wind whipping my face, all felt right with the world.

Posted by Miriam at 10:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I sort of lost my keys today.

I put them in my pocket and went to work. Then, after a busy day I got home and they weren't in my pocket. I panicked. I searched around. I called the few places I had been. I considered going back to work to check there but didn't because I wasn't sure I could get in and I was late for a dinner meeting. Besides, I couldn't imagine where they would be at work. I kept feeling like I was missing something else besides my keys but couldn't put my finger on it. I definitely didn't bring a bag to work...

Two and a half hours and much thought later, some one was able to let me in (I was at the dinner meeting most of that time). Getting ready to go out again I wondered if I would need my jacket.

Then, suddenly, I knew exactly where my keys were - in my jacket at work. I don't know how I managed to completely forget for most of the day that I wore this outer layer to work this morning. It is the oddest (and longest) bout of forgetfulness that I have ever experienced.

Continue reading "losing it" »

Posted by Miriam at 10:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Well, I finally crashed. I knew I couldn't keep up that speed for long.

I hit the summer flu, thoroughly and hard. My body wracked by a virus (as far as we can guess) was in a fevered state for two days - hitting a high of 103.5. Food and water wouldn't stay in me. Dehydrated and exhausted, I suffered from the regular fever aches including a headache that has yet to fade. In that state the only entertainment is your own mind. I am not sure I was up to the task.

I felt like I was on a combination of all the worst drug experiences I have ever had. Reality split apart and fragmented. Time played tricks with my mind. Dreaming state and reality were interchangeable and sadly neither of them were that interesting. And all I could do was watch and wait for my body to heal.

Outside the weather was doing its own dance. I first realized I had a fever while scootering around in 100 degrees and feeling chilled. That night as my fever spiked, the electricity was palpable as thunder and lightening crashed across the sky. Rain fell on the parched earth and sadly ran into our basement as well. The three inches supposedly brought us out of the water debt we have accumulated this year but in the city too much of that translates into runoff - especially when it falls so fast and hard.

The next day I was not cognizant of the weather but two day later when my fever finally receded enough to allow me outside I was surprised by the cool sparkly green world that awaited me.

Posted by Miriam at 11:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Work has really started to take off. On the one hand I am psyched to feel useful, on the other hand, I think wistfully back to those days of learning and wonder if I could have packed some more into my brain during that time.

My professional life isn't the only thing catching air these days. Already my most social summer since teenage days - I get to add wedding planning to my list. A girl's best friend only gets married once (hopefully), so I am determined to throw everything I can into making it a shindig to remember.

This makes it all the more delightful when I occasionally enjoy an evening of reading on the back porch. It does happen - just never as planned.

Trying not to let the rush of summer ruin my mental health has been a trick. I constantly have to remind myself why I am here and take deep breaths to really enjoy here. This frequently happens when I brush pass a gorgeous flower or am enjoying the sensation of wind felt during a bicycle or scooter ride. Physical maintenance sadly seems to take a back seat on this ride. Fortunately my health has been fabulous despite this regular abuse and neglect. That won't last forever at this pace but at least I am getting a lot done in the meantime.

Posted by Miriam at 10:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I thought I had spring fever: a new job, new weather, and meeting lots of new people... perhaps I do but I seem to have narrowed my focus a bit. I have fallen for water. My feet seem to be endlessly soaking it up, I can't leave the house with out finding myself stranded in a rain shower. Thank goodness I have a million pairs of shoes.

This is not an unfortunate thing. The weather has been warm and the water welcome. Tonight, as I was biking through the misty streets, feeling the drip off of trees and up from the pavement, I noticed that the air was heavy not just with moisture, but with smells. It was too late in the evening for the car exhaust to be up, instead I was greeted with the scent of spring - of leaves budding, fresh green pushing up through moist earth, flowers blooming and sending their pollen willy nilly.

So often I cite the need to be grounded - get my head out of the clouds. Yet now is obviously the time to swim, upstream or downstream doesn't matter, the important thing is getting in. What does water symbolize? Fluidity? Flexibility? It could also be strength and perseverance.

Now if only I could find the time take a shower inside, my life might be complete.

Posted by Miriam at 01:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Leaving the Co-op and working with recycling is a huge life style change. The new job is irresistible but the change that comes with it gives me pause. Not only am I leaving a business that I know backwards and forwards and jumping into the barely known but not working at a grocery store a half a mile from my house will change my life in ways I can only imagine.

For the past two years I have been severely spoiled - able to walk to work and never had worry about food.

Continue reading "changes" »

Posted by Miriam at 08:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Quaking at the knees, I am leaving my comfortable well-known world of natural food for garbage - scratch that - not garbage, but rather recycling. This weekend began the transition into a new position at a recycling company aimed at showing waste is preventable, not inevitable.

I have always had a bit of the environmental fanatic in me. It will be super difficult to rein it in now. To ease my transition have been absorbing "Paper or Plastic: Searching for solutions to an overpackaged world." Between this book and all my coworkers fill my head with, I hope to have an outlet here so as not to chase away the few remaining friends I have. Thus with pride, I start a recycling subject line, in which to pour my enthusiastic learning.

This need not be a solitary journey - already friends are asking me waste related questions and the answers I don't know I will be happy to look up - please post any questions or thoughts you have on this subject as they come up.

No info tonight though. After a jam-packed weekend I have to catch up on some sleep.

Posted by Miriam at 11:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Last weekend I felt inspired watching Ani DiFranco belt out songs full of joy. She sang to a sold out show with people wondering - why choose such a small venue when she can fill a hall triple the size? Tonight I watched as an old friend rolled with the crowd and played passionately in front of a miniscule audience. At the Cedar show, all though jam-packed to the gills, the crowd felt small - honored to be included in such a comparatively little venue. Tonight, the tiny crowd felt intimately huge. We made just as much noise as the Ani fans, despite being one tenth in size (if even that). My friend on stage laughed and joked with us as though it were a sold out show.

Both these musicians were under-selling themselves. I marveled at the similarity and remembered a friend advising me that people's joy in their job tends to be inversely related to their paycheck. I felt honored and inspired by watching these musicians' joy and dedication to their art. I realized that although they may get compensated some for the show - that isn't why they are doing it. When you consistently under charge for your labor, while it could be because you devalue your talents (and I hope not) the alternative is because you never want to feel like doing a task for the money. It is much better to feel underpaid but that you are doing the job because of love, devotion, friendship, or a dozen other more pleasant reasons than monetary value. True, the world takes money and we need it to pay our bills. However, money doesn't buy happiness; the only thing that provides happiness is joy and satisfaction that comes with doing what you love and loving what you do.

Understanding this is very important these days, as I feel awakened from a long slumber - like I am finally falling in love again. Seeing these musicians following their hearts could not come at a more inspiring time as I contemplate pursuing my own passion and realize how scary that is.

Posted by Miriam at 12:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)