« September 2013 | Main | November 2014 »

March 19, 2014

drifting vs settling

Since I was twelve I've been on the move, drifting from one experience to the next. I always aimed to run towards stuff, not away. This lead me to Minnesota, a college degree, studying abroad in two regions, countless jobs and loves. My leaps and bounds peaked in my mid-twenties and have been slowing down since then. With ownership of a house - and settling in it with my beloved - I feel the echoes and rings of my former lives and selves settling in around me like leaves falling from a tree. As if, before, all my living situations were temporary - my lease was never more than a year ahead. But now I am committing to at least five years, possibly ten or twenty if the horrors of moving and house buying stay strong in my memory and no external circumstances cause us to uproot.

As these "leaves" settle on the forest floor I feel this past nurturing my life that is now just as leaves turn into compost and dirt that helps the next generation grow. My teens were full of angst and uncertainly, by my mid-twenties I had hit my stride and was accumulating new experiences like some people accumulate jewlery. By my thirties I had gathered this bouquet of experiences and was ready to focus. Now, having a long-term home and a supportive beloved I feel even more ready.

Now I just have to figure out what I am ready for.