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August 27, 2007

Friends

You steal pieces
of my heart.
Making it just a little
bit
lighter.

August 19, 2007

vision

Life has been getting away from me again. Originally what I really wanted was the same as when I took my bodhisattva vows three years ago: I want to help people. However, lately I feel like this is too ambitious of a goal. I think first I'll try not to harm people. In conjunction with this, my other passion is learning. I love learning about the world, about people, about biology, about how everything fits together and operates. I try to justify this love by focusing my learning on things can only increase my ability to help people.

However, when I just try to do no harm it becomes a bit stickier wicket. The fact is we all know people who have "helped" and made things worse. This is my greatest fear. Sometimes I feel like I really can't intentionally help anyone - not because I am a failure but rather because I cannot create the conditions in which my actions might be helpful. That is up to the universe and any one who would like some help.

August 08, 2007

foci

So last night I created a list.

First I acknowledged some of the incredible things I accomplished in my twenties. Then I made a random list of what I would like to do now. It was just off the top off my head and went from very mundane (such as ride my bike and improve my computer tech skills, to super ambitious (lots of career goals and writing projects), to downright-lofty and dreamy (such as visiting all of my friends around the world).

Then I thought about the list for a day - what I forgot to add and what should and shouldn't be on it. So far I haven't added anything (though I am tempted to add "start an Ultimate Frisbee team") instead I tried to group and un-group and re-group the entire list.

I kept wondering what was the heart of it? What does this all have in common?

What do I really want to do?

I think I figured it out and honestly - it shouldn't surprise anyone.

I swear I will reveal it soon.

August 07, 2007

last days

Tonight I kiss my 20's goodbye. It is the last time I get to be "29" - starting in a few hours I'll be "30" and counting.

I have very little regret as this decade comes to a close. Mostly I look back with pride at all I have discovered and accomplished. I have discovered lots of talent, honed a few skills, made a few good friends and met a zillion good people. I feel fortunate to have led such a blessed life. The older I get the more aware I become of my good fortune and wonder what I am going to do about it.

My 20's were all about self discovery, other discovery, world exploration, and that jazz. I hope the exploring never ends but as I realize I can't be everywhere and do everything at once I want to be more focused in where I put my energy.

Over the years my experiences, energy, and karma has yielded me a plethora of resources. What am I going to do with that now? What are my goals and ambitions for my 30's? I feel whatever they are I have a good chance of succeeding (or coming up with a very good excuse for not succeeding) which makes me want to be especially conscious about what I do next.

So what will it be?